Toni and Duron (Part 4 of 4)

Parting Ways

Toni woke up feeling like maybe it was time to give Duron two weeks to find a place. He had been with her for about six months, so that should’ve been enough time for him to get things going enough to move out. Besides, he had family who he could stay with. This living together thing, with someone who isn’t your partner, became harder than she imagined. Because she was already very attracted to Duron, her feelings for him intensified, but intellectually she knew that a relationship with Duron would not work. She could never trust him as a mate. She had been in his company in the past, while he lied to one of his girlfriends about where he was. He even sent her a kiss through the phone. She just shook her head at the time, but knew he could never be her man. His response after the phone call was, “I could never be with just one woman.” In a way, she respected the fact that he never married, because he knew himself. At least he remained unmarried, instead lying to himself about believing he could remain faithful.

Since Duron wouldn’t have coital sex with Toni, she would go out to see another friend who would fulfill that need for her. She would let Duron know, because she didn’t want to feel as if she was being sneaky, although they were just friends who were living together. One night, when she got back home after drinking and spending time with her lover, Duron asked,

“So what did y’all do?”

Toni, “What!?!?

Duron, “What did y’all do? Did he fuck you? Did he slap that fat ass? 
           What did he do to you?”

Toni, “And why would you want to know that?”

“Because I want to know?”

            “Stop asking that question, because I will surely tell you, and you 
             aint gonna like what you hear.”

            “Tell me what y’all did.”

Toni took a deep breath, but was tired of him asking, so she told him.

*Sigh* “We ate and had a few drinks, then he bent me over a chair, snatched my panties down, then stuck his dick in me. He fucked the shit out of me and slapped my ass a few times. Then he made me sit in the chair and pulled me forward so that he could put my legs over his shoulders and fuck the shit out of me again from the front. And I have the bruises and hand prints to prove it, see?” As she showed him some of her bruises. “And I enjoyed every….fucking….minute of it! There! Are you satisfied now?”

He laughed and said “Yeah”, but he would never ask her again. Toni began to feel like she was cheating on a partner, although their relationship had always been clear. She didn’t like the feeling that she had when going to see one man, while living with another. It was all becoming too complicated for her. Even though she wasn’t very traditional, this arrangement was more than she could bear. And it was weighing on her conscience, although she was doing nothing dishonest. It was still too outside of what she could emotionally handle. This had to end.

Toni began to feel foolish for cooking Duron’s meals, washing his clothes, and sucking his dick, while he was out in the streets with other women. He never stayed out all night, but he would have phone conversations that let her know that he would be hanging with other females. She didn’t know if he was having coital sex or not, although she didn’t believe that he did, she just didn’t know. She started feeling crazy, and didn’t like her state of mind. She had no right to get upset or say anything, because she accepted this arrangement. She began to feel pangs of jealousy in which she knew that she had no right to.

Throughout their time living together, she would bring up the fact that he wouldn’t have regular sex with her, to try to understand what his issue actually was. She was very careful not to ever make him feel emasculated by her words. What she wanted to do was understand his condition, and to possibly help him understand. He had no problems getting an erection. He would get them many times day or night with her. He also had no problems climaxing. 

Toni would always come to bed without panties on, and Duron would always hug her and wrap his legs around her every night, but he would never penetrate her. Eventually she would say to herself, “If I had low self-esteem, the fact that he won’t fuck me would mess my head up. Thank God that my self-esteem is intact, because this is a hard one to understand, especially since his reason keeps changing.” He claimed that he didn’t want to get anyone pregnant anymore (He had 6 children by 6 different women already). Then it was he’s afraid of catching something, and he didn’t like wearing condoms. Then it was that he doesn’t enjoy that type of sex anymore. So she didn’t know what the truth was. He even had the nerve to tell her that she should stop having sex, because she should have had enough sex for a lifetime.

“You must’ve lost your goddam mind, if you think that 
              I’m going to stop fucking because you have.”

So when Duron came home that night, she explained to him the emotional toll that living together was taking on her, that he had to find another place to stay, and that he had two weeks to do it. He understood, but didn’t want to leave. When the two weeks were up, he tried to talk her into letting him stay, but she wasn’t going to do that to herself. She even had to raise her voice and cuss at him, to make him understand that he needed to leave ASAP. He was never verbally disrespectful to her, because he was grateful to her for helping him. He eventually left, and they were able to maintain their friendship. It would never be the same, but he would never forget what she did for him. Whenever she needed a favor, he was right there for her. The friendship may not have been the same, but it was intact.